This is where You want me to be. Right here, writing to You. I asked You to keep me from hurting You. Today, as I was battling feeling hopeless and ugly, I sat down to play the piano. You met me there. You let me experience You and what you had to say to me:

“I’m not getting what I’m praying for either.”

You’re right.

I’ve been so focused on getting what I want from You that I haven’t been giving what You want from me.

I promised to write to You, and I don’t.

I’m scared and I don’t know of what.

I want to answer Your prayers.

If my writing to You brings you any amount of joy…any amount of relief…I must do it.

Every day I must do it.

You’re revealing what’s scaring me.

I want my writing to be good…

You want it to be genuine.

I’m still worshiping you self-consciously.

Still trying to impress others while worshiping You…

and that is not worship at all.

I don’t want to write for an audience, I want to write in your audience.

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